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Sunday, 2 November2003
(Letter 064)
Hoom, I have some troubles. Nasty sword-weilding creatures have begun to appear in my forest. Cutting, hacking, burning, gnawing, bara-boom. Hoom, hm, and they are hurting my friends. Hmm, now I have brought it up to other friends, hoom, and they are calling me hasty, hoom. Hm, I do not know, hoom, what to do now. Should I follow my, hoom, instincts? Hm, or should I listen to, hoom, my elders, hm? I have heard of some "Huorns" that could help me, hoom.
Ent in Trouble
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Dear Ent in Trouble,
Well now, there are times when the forest is very dim and stuffy. All those weeping, trailing branches and beards of lichen and whiskers of moss. And piles of leaves that just seem to keep accumulating. It makes it difficult to breathe in the forest, all that old wood. Most untidy. Really, every forest is in need of a spring cleaning.
That is all that is going on. We are simply striving to bring some order and rule, to cull the weak and idle from encroaching upon the sturdy, strong growth of the best specimens. An effort really to make room for the newer and younger growth. There is no threat to the forest and all is for the good, so remember the words of Treebeard and don't be too hasty.
Saruman the Wise
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(Letter 065)
To whom it may concern:
I am an eigth grader in a not-so-challenging art class. I am trying to draw the gate to Edoras in perspective. It's not working!!! Help!
Your friend,
Gandalfsfool
P.S.
Why don't Pippin and Merry ever answer??
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Dear Gandalfsfool,
Thank you very much for writing to Thain Peregrin Took. He is greatly interested in the concerns of his constituents and assures you that he always has your best interests in mind. It pleases him greatly to know that the good people of the Shire look to him for guidance in times of need. Unfortunately, the Thain is currently unable to answer your letter personally because he is away South attempting to expand the leaf market beyond the river Poros. Until his return, he will be unable to respond personally to any correspondence of this type. Please direct all future questions to Meriadoc Brandybuck, Master of Buckland, Brandy Hall, Buckland.
Everard Took, First Undersecretary of the Thain
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Dear Gandalfsfool,
Thank you very much for writing to the Master of Buckland. He is greatly interested in the concerns of his constituents and assures you that he always has your best interests in mind. It pleases him greatly to know that the good people of the Shire look to him for guidance in times of need. Unfortunately, the Master is currently unable to answer your letter personally because he is away South attempting to expand the leaf market beyond the river Poros. Until his return, he will be unable to respond personally to any correspondence of this type. Please direct all future questions to Thain Peregrin Took, Great Smials, Tuckborough.
Merimas Brandybuck, Acting Master of Buckland
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(Letter 066)
I have a test next week, I'm going to fail it, I have to pass it to finish this course, what am I going to do - I don't know squat about Empiricism.
Also I think I've eaten too many biscuits.
Help?
Worried,
Logan
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Dear Logan,
You are right to be worried. I was also once tested, and the passing of it nearly broke me, though it did decide my final course. Like yours, my test involved Empires and Kingdoms, which were flashed before my eyes in a parade of tempting conundrums. Each choice was mine to make, and I had but to grasp the easiest solution to doom myself. But I stilled my heart and quieted my mind and allowed reason to reign over emotion, and I chose correctly, passing the test and, ultimately, into the West. I wish you the same fortune, but I fear your gluttonous appetite could be a distraction during the exam. I suggest you switch from cram to lembas at least 72 hours prior.
Sincerely,
Galadriel
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(Letter 067)
Dear wonderful person who takes the time to read this,
I have a problem. I still live at home because I have not finished my schooling and I am considered quite useful to my family (that is not my problem). My problem is I have a constant feeling that I need to something greater than cook dinner or help feed the animals or make the trip to school every morning . It's not an ordinary feeling. I feel as though there is something I need to do, something highly important that will not only decide my fate but the fate of those around me possibly the fate of my nation. I need to figure out what this feeling means. I have started to become some-what depressed in the time I'm not doing something useful. I have sought the council of the wise to no prevail and I'm hoping this letter will reach the ears of some one who can help.
May your ways be green and golden,
Nobody
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My dearest Baggins, or Nobody, if you prefer,
That nagging feeling is misleading. You should keep to your comfortable life. Cooking, rambling that lovely little land of yours. How could a hobbit like you ever have something really vital to do? Best to stay where you are. Enjoy your little life.
All my best-
Sauron
P.S. My messengers will be by in a few days to pick up a small package from you, when is a good time to find you in?
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See Questions from other weeks.
What is Grave Matters
and how do I get my
questions answered?
*DISCLAIMER: Middle-earth characters are fictional, as are the answers they might give in Grave Matters. The Barrow-Downs is not responsible for anything that happens as a result of following the suggestions found here.
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