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Sunday, 27 July 2003
(Letter 034)
To whoever cares....
I borrowed a canvas from my younger sister,and I painted this beautiful picture on it... I thought I´d give her another canvas later. See I had to paint while the picture "was still in my head". Now to my problem, she claims that my painting now belongs to her and has locked it inside her room at my parents home. There is really no point talking to my parents, cause they adore her and I am kind of the black sheep, so what shall I do?
Elentir of the cold river.
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Elentir of the cold river,
I'm sure your painting is very nice and all, but have you considered the value of the canvas? My husband once provided some friends of his with the materials for a great work of art, but they grew overly attached to it and, well, stubborn. Just because it cost them the labor of several generations and it was named after them, they thought they could lay claim to the materials. Of course, the fact that my husband insulted their forefathers and refused to pay them probably didn't help. In any case, I don't recommend a similar approach in your case. Perhaps you and your sister can find a way to collaborate without destroying kingdoms?
Melian
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(Letter 035)
Dear Person Who Reads These,
I am going on vacation soon and I don't want to leave behind my fish. The person who is going to take care of him doesn't know how to treat fish.
Should I trust her and leave my fish to certain death, or take him with me so I can make sure he is alive? I'll miss him. We've been through a lot together and
I would hate for him to die. Your advice is much appretiated.
~Lint the Great
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Fisssh... Yess, preciouss, you must keep fish closse. Give it to us,
preciouss; We looks after little fishes. Sméagol always helps. We likes fissh,
we does, so cold and shiny. Sméagol lookss after cold and shiny things though
they hurts us; oh yes, preciouss.
Alive without breath;
as cold as death;
never thirsting, ever drinking;
clad in mail, never clinking.
Drowns on dry land,
thinks an island
is a mountain;
thinks a fountain
is a puff of air.
So sleek, so fair!
What a joy to meet!
See? We loves the pretty fishes. Give it to us, preciouss. Sméagol will keep
it safe. Not let anyone harm nice fissh. gollum
Sméagol (nice Sméagol)
Don't you listen to him, lass. He's a bad lot, that one; and he ain't no
friend o' fishes. You find someone you can trust to look after your little
tiddler and he'll be there nice and safe for when you get back. Now I've got
to go and mind my stew or it'll boil over. Mind you don't go letting that
nasty sneak near your pets, now.
Sam Gamgee
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(Letter 036)
Hello! Oh great fonts of knowledge of Arda, I come to thee with a tale most
problematical -
We, my good lady and I, have a cat that is, to put it bluntly, a little on
the large side, We named him after one Gimli, son of Gloin, and it seems
that he has lived up to the kin of his namesake in that he is rather portly
(and hirsute).
The trouble is, at this warm season of the year, he feels the heat so....
and it is with great effort that he stirs from his sleepy stupor. He sits
atop the stairs, sweating and listless, snoring and looking woeful.....
Tis a sad sight to see. As we cannot afford to move to the northern realms
of middle earth, what should we do? How can we have, once again, a cool cat?
Your help would be forever appreciated.
ShinyStar
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I am not now nor ever was portly, and never have I been described before as
hirsute! What manner of orcling are you to insult me so? Did you not think
this letter would make its way to me, especially since you mentioned me
personally? And to top it off, you have named a beast after me. The nerve!
Yes, yes, it is true that I have a carefully maintained beard and a full
head of hair, but you are sorely mistaken to imagine me as covered in fur
like a mangey cat! And yes, I also dislike the the heat, and I do sweat most
profusely, and I snore, but I never appear listless. Never. If I see your
cat I'll help you out and toss it into the coolest chasm I find.
Gimli, Son of Gloin - DWARF
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(Letter 037)
To Whom it May Concern,
I have too much stuff. I just mean stuff. Clothes, pens, accessories, papers, shoes- stuff. Not to mention stuff I don't plan on getting rid of any time soon. I need somewhere to put it all! What should I do?
Signed,
Stuffed in Saratoga
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Stuffed-
It sounds like a hoard is what you have going. Why get rid of it? I say scrape it all together into the middle of your biggest chamber and use it for a bed. Mmm… jewels, gold, pens, accessories… However, beware of sniveling thieves who may attempt to steal your treasures, they come in hidden doors and cover the sound of their thievery with riddles and games. My advice is, should you ever meet The Barrel Rider, that you roast him now, and talk later!
Smaug the Golden
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Next answers will be posted on
Sunday, 3 August 2003
See Questions from other weeks.
What is Grave Matters
and how do I get my
questions answered?
*DISCLAIMER: Middle-earth characters are fictional, as are the answers they might give in Grave Matters. The Barrow-Downs is not responsible for anything that happens as a result of following the suggestions found here.
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